Prompted by a discussion that's not publicly readable, alas

[lovingboth]

[Poll #200739]

Comments

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

do you think more people might fill this out if it wasn't 'viewable to all'?

[emmy-mallow.livejournal.com]

Yes indeed...

[lovingboth]

Possibly, but I'm not particularly keen on polls I can't see the results of when other people do them!

I do find it particularly interesting that only 9 of the 13 people who've answered any questions have answered the one about what they'd do if someone did disclose. I wonder if they'd be in the 'not have / have different sex' categories.

If people want to answer anonymously, they can always comment anonymously. I do have IP logging for anonymous comments on, but I've never ever bothered to look at the results and I'm not about to start now.

[emmy-mallow.livejournal.com]

I started to do it and then it all got a bit personal and I decided not to disclose anything atall...perhaps that is something that I should think about...

[a-musing-amazon.livejournal.com]

"Have you ever been told by someone that they're HIV+ before you had sex with them?"

You don't enquire:

1) Did you ask them if they were HIV+

2) if you did, did they say that they weren't or whether they had any evidence (like a recent -ve test) that they weren't.

You seem (in the way the Q.s are asked) to be assuming that even though we might assume they have some responsibility to disclose that we will
also just expect them to volunteer the info.

Or have I misunderstood?

[lovingboth]

Hmm, 'do you ask' would be an interesting question.

The 'expect' part came from the original question, asked in 1999. But lots of people do expect spontaneous disclosure!

[a-musing-amazon.livejournal.com]

My point is that just because we (morally) expect something doesn't mean that we should assume that others will conform to our moral expectations. I'd expect fromm some of the other answers most of us couldn't truthfully say we *know* one way or the other (for example, I've not actually been tested recently). If your attitude was that you would only have safe sex if you could be pretty sure it was safe with your prospective partner anyway (beucae there were good grounds to think that they weren't HIV+) you would want to explore the issue. If your were sure that 'safe sex' was safe then it might not be an issue to you. Mind, you, having recently (socially) met someone who was HIV+ and who had believed they had always had safe sex...

[adjectivemarcus.livejournal.com]

If I was having sex with a friend, I'd hope I was close enough to them to know their status long before having sex. The times I've had sex without protection they've been long term partners who I trusted (at the time, and still do in most cases) unequivacabobbly. Sorry, just can't spell that word. The one I no longer trust re: this was 13 years ago. I've had several tests since.

If I was having sex with a stranger I wouldn't expect to be having sex which carried a high enough risk of transmission for them to bother telling me. I perform sexual acts with men I don't speak to at all in bars - and having it tattooed on their cock wouldn't help as it's often too dark to tell what age/height/colour they are!

Braille piercings?
Oh, there's an idea for JtR

And just to stir it a bit...

[purplerabbits.livejournal.com]

I notice that you don't ask whether people disclose their own HIV status? Are we assuming that we're all negative?

Re: And just to stir it a bit...

[lovingboth]

Oh not at all on my part - it's because I deliberately kept the results as viewable to all.

And there's a sense in which it doesn't matter as far as these questions are concerned.

It'd be interesting to do one that says 'I'm / if I were HIV+ I'd behave like this...' and compare the thoughts of those people who are HIV+ with those who believe that they're HIV-.

See other comments...

Re: And just to stir it a bit...

[heteronormative.livejournal.com]

I can't remember the last time I was asked about my HIV status, I'm not sure if other people are making the same assumptions I am when they make the assessment of what risks they're willing to take with me.

Re: And just to stir it a bit...

[lovingboth]

If you don't say, some people will assume you're positive, while others will assume you're negative!

Memory is telling me that they're particularly likely to assume you've the same status (+ve, -ive or untested) as them.

Re: And just to stir it a bit...

[heteronormative.livejournal.com]

I would have thought so. Assuming everyone you shag is a plague bearer would be quite off putting.

[heteronormative.livejournal.com]

Also, the last question should probably have tick boxes, as it's entirely possible that someone may have had sex with more than one of those conditions attached, either to the same person or with more than one partner.

[lovingboth]

Yep, you're right, but there's no way to edit polls, alas.

[heteronormative.livejournal.com]

I'd also wonder if the relevance of the responses, for men, at least, depend on whether they are insertive or receptive in risky sexual activities. Knowing that someone sucking you off is HIV+ or might be is different to putting HIV+ cock into your mouth. The same applies a thousandfold for anally penetrative sex.

In heterosexual relations, it tends to be the woman who has more to fear from the man than vice versa. Infection rates from women to men aren't that high.

Reminds me...

[kingginger.livejournal.com]

I need to get a new test done...

A years been too long!

Re: Reminds me...

[heteronormative.livejournal.com]

Hmm, me too, I guess, although have yet to do anything that puts *my* health at risk, it'd be nice to know, anyway.

Re: Reminds me...

[kingginger.livejournal.com]

Quite so...

Similarly I haven't had any "risky" sexual activities.

But its good to know...

Just so when people ask you can say, or better yet, if I ever had the need to tell I suppose.

Re: Reminds me...

[heteronormative.livejournal.com]

Well, quite. I've had a couple of tests recently after Ilmar had bit of a scare, but if I'm not engaging in risky behaviour... I know, I know, I need to test. It's only been a few months, but perhaps we should measure our days in men and women, not days and months.

Re: Reminds me...

[badriya.livejournal.com]

I've only been tested once and it was so long ago I can't remember it clearly but i think they asked why I thought I might have it. It was a special clinic. I can't even remember why I went to be tested. Do they normally ask or assume you have had risky activities?

Re: Reminds me...

[lovingboth]

I can see that being asked as an element of pre-test counselling: one way of raising the issue of how surprised would you be at a postive result?

Plus pre-combination therapy, some people were mildly discouraging of testing, because there was very little to offer asympomatic HIV+ people.

If it was in the 80s and they presumed you're straight and reasonably monogamous, there might also have been an element of 'oh no, another of the worried well', especially if you didn't have any symptoms of anything else.

Re: Reminds me...

[geminigirl]

Same here, although I've been putting it off because I wanted to try the new rapid HIV test, and waiting til I could find a place that does it around here. I suppose if I thought my behavior had changed much since my last HIV test, I'd go get one sooner. I still refuse to have mine done at work though.

Knowing own status

[pavlos.livejournal.com]

You could have some similar questions about being eager or reluctant to find out one's own HIV status.

From personal experience:

Several years ago, mainly through having a few accidents, I thought I might be at higher risk of being HIV+ than the general population. Not a huge risk, but higher than the usual 0.1-0.2%. I then felt morally constrained to one of the following:

1. Get tested and, if +ve, tell everyone who I might be about to have sex with. Play extra-safely and/or seek other +ves.


2. Avoid finding out. Play safely with everyone and assume this is compatible with the personal risk tradeoff of most of my partners.

I was in my 20's and (1) seemed daunting so I took option (2). Since then I had an HIV test for the benefit of my long-term partner, and once that was done I felt very relieved too.

Nowadays I think that option (1) would be the only sound choice, but I'm older, I've managed to have a fair amount of sex so far, and I wouldn't think that my life has been wasted if I became +ve in the future. It might be worth finding out what different age- or other groups think.